Escape...

It is raining now. I can here the rain falling against the windows, gently at times, and then with sudden urgency and fervor. It is just the wind...

I go to the window in the kitchen. It is dark outside still, the sun hours from making an appearance. I stand quitely, listening to the dogs sleep, breathing softly as they have doggy dreams...

Outside, in a small space between my house and the next, is a quiet place in my world where I can be alone, or I can share with friends. Now, it is empty, and as such it is at its' best. I stare until I see...a raindrop.

A small pot is left out there, to act as a playground for the raindrops as they arrive in my yard. Every now and then one finds this small place to play, and produces the singularly most beautiful natural form I know of...the splash

Mathematically, this structure can be described, but not loved. Physics can explain the behavior of a liquid, but not my imagination. Chemically, each drop changes the water in the pot ever so slightly, but not my enjoyment.

So..drop by drop my world changes..but I do not. I am unchanged by the rain, but changed by the rainfall...

Mustang

Eureka!

OK, so I have been harboring this silly, dumb ass idea for the Rogue for over two years now. We grab a camera, wander around the Rogue, and offer free T-shirts to women who will show us their "treasure chest"! We would call it "Girls Gone Rogue", sell the CD's and make a killing. Except nobody was exactly "wild" about the idea.

And then it hit me....

"Girls Gone Squirrel"!!!!

I'm gonna get filthy rich....

Mustang

Frozen pebbles rest

Different yet alike

Similar discord

Quest…

It is dark. She moves silently, like liquid ebony. Yellow eyes reaching into you, finding you. She is hunting, and she always will.

I believe that inside each of us lies the Quest. That is what I call her, Quest. She is mine, and yet we all share her. She is the embodiment of all those things I want to be, do, see, learn, hear, smell, taste, feel, think, and live. She is real in my mind, as she is in each of our minds.

She is control. Taut, searching, alive. She is abandon. Burning, striving, yearning. She is, for me, my companion in life.

Elusive. She withdraws when approached, to run and fight another day. To stand on that rock, to show me just how magnificent she is, and how far I have to go to reach her.

Subtle, she teaches me about myself. Mocks me as I try to understand and explain my world to myself, my wife, my children. She moves through my mind, showing me places where I could go if only I was a little more able, a little quicker, a little more like her.

It took a long time for me to see Quest. She was always there, always pushing and pulling, always present and yet unseen. I have felt her pass at times, close enough to feel those hot yellow eyes. When I have done something so well that I feel proud, she shows herself, to applaud and yet taunt, as if I had done something well…yet, missed the point of doing it at all.

In time, I could usually see her. That flash of movement in my peripherial vision, that ghost image just beyond my gaze, that disappears when I looked directly at her. She is there.

I have come to accept myself more with age, and understand that it is more about being then arriving, that destinations should really only be places from which to continue the journey. Quest is still here, still hunting me. She has drawn blood on many occasions, when I was feeling particularly proud, or angry, or simply being stupidly human. She is unrelenting in that way. No quarter given, none asked. As it should be.

Perhap, in time, I will finally get to face her, to feel that hot breath, embrace those eyes, and with luck, humility and grace, I will make her blink.

Mustang.

Friendship...

I read something today that caused me to pause and reflect on my friends. More specifically, what qualifies them, and perhaps more importantly what qualifies me, to be friends.

I expect a great deal from myself when I am someone's friend. I do not befriend someone haphazardly. It is too important to me and to them, and so I am very demanding of myself. And yet it is not a perfect system. I am friendly to almost everyone, and try and be polite and considerate towards them. However, I will not "stand in the breach" for just anyone. That privelage is earned.

It is not so much that I need to feel important or special about who I am friends with. It is more that as I grew up, I dealt with "friends" that were not, and suffered greatly for my mistakes. As such, I do not give it lightly, as I do not want it taken lightly.

Dana is my first, best friend. For her there is no limit to what I will do for her...none. Yes to those who ask, I would..for her..always..any sacrifice.

There are a few others to whom I have said "any time, any place, anything" and meant it. They know who they are..in fact one or two of them might read this. And for that matter, in general, their friends are mine, and that offer usually extends to them.

Next there are people to be nice to. I will always try and be nice to them. There are many people here, but few of them are friends.

Lastly, and there are very few here, are those people to whom I am not nice. I do not want to write about them.

I hold my friends close, and they are important to me. I think I may need to write more about this, after I have wrestled with my soul on this a little more, and gotten over the hurt I felt a friend write about.

Mustang