Quest…

It is dark. She moves silently, like liquid ebony. Yellow eyes reaching into you, finding you. She is hunting, and she always will.

I believe that inside each of us lies the Quest. That is what I call her, Quest. She is mine, and yet we all share her. She is the embodiment of all those things I want to be, do, see, learn, hear, smell, taste, feel, think, and live. She is real in my mind, as she is in each of our minds.

She is control. Taut, searching, alive. She is abandon. Burning, striving, yearning. She is, for me, my companion in life.

Elusive. She withdraws when approached, to run and fight another day. To stand on that rock, to show me just how magnificent she is, and how far I have to go to reach her.

Subtle, she teaches me about myself. Mocks me as I try to understand and explain my world to myself, my wife, my children. She moves through my mind, showing me places where I could go if only I was a little more able, a little quicker, a little more like her.

It took a long time for me to see Quest. She was always there, always pushing and pulling, always present and yet unseen. I have felt her pass at times, close enough to feel those hot yellow eyes. When I have done something so well that I feel proud, she shows herself, to applaud and yet taunt, as if I had done something well…yet, missed the point of doing it at all.

In time, I could usually see her. That flash of movement in my peripherial vision, that ghost image just beyond my gaze, that disappears when I looked directly at her. She is there.

I have come to accept myself more with age, and understand that it is more about being then arriving, that destinations should really only be places from which to continue the journey. Quest is still here, still hunting me. She has drawn blood on many occasions, when I was feeling particularly proud, or angry, or simply being stupidly human. She is unrelenting in that way. No quarter given, none asked. As it should be.

Perhap, in time, I will finally get to face her, to feel that hot breath, embrace those eyes, and with luck, humility and grace, I will make her blink.

Mustang.